The weight of the wait

On the way out of town for our trip to the mountains, we had stopped for one last appointment.  It seemed routine although it really wasn’t.  I’d never been there before.  I wouldn’t have been there then except for the urging of friends and the lately acquired knowledge that even invincible may not last forever and the relatively new understanding that sometimes taking care of you is taking care of others.  It took me almost 47 years to know that…I’m smart, but I can be a bit slow, apparently.

At the appointment, I’d been told that I’d most likely receive a call to return because there was nothing to make comparisons.  If there was anything they weren’t completely certain about, I’d get a call asking me to return.  It was the most likely scenario.  So, I knew that; said that; half-way expected it…and wasn’t really surprised when, upon our return, there was a blinking message light on the machine.

I called and was told the person I needed to speak with was unavailable—could I please call back?  I could.  I did.  And then I sat on hold long enough for it to ring back to the main number 3 times before I heard another voice…asking me to wait some more…the one person I needed to speak with was with a patient.

I could wait.  I’ve been there…in her shoes.  You can’t hurry those things—you shouldn’t hurry those things.

When she finally came to the phone I was told that, as expected, they needed me to return.  What was unexpected was her specificity:  something on the right side that they needed to see again.  Also unexpected was her determination to get me in ASAP.  The timing that couldn’t work on their end, suddenly did.  They could re-shoot the pictures and I could wait there until the Dr. was able to arrive, view, determine what he saw…and what to do next.

I held the phone for a bit longer after she hung up and told God (and myself!) again that I was His to do with as He pleased.  I also thanked Him for being God and reminded myself to give Him praise and give Him thanks no matter what they found.  I’m a planner.  I know the value of having a plan to follow that is so engrained that it happens even when you can’t think about it.

You see, I’ve been down this road before…with others that I love.  I know about the timing and about the procedures.  I know about all kinds of things I’d rather not know. What you can’t know—until you’ve actually been there–is how the wait is almost as heavy as the weight that you imagine inside as you lay down at night knowing it will be another whole day or more before you can get more information.

I was once again reminded of the bright red letters handwritten in my Bible out beside 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 and 1 Peter 1:7, that say “THIS IS WHY!”  It is another step in the journey…in the process of becoming more like Christ.  Someone else will need to know that I’ve been down that road, too, so they can trust what I say when I tell them that God is good—all the time!—and that He loves them and has a plan for their good even when it is hard to see and, perhaps, even harder believe.



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