Confessions…

There are days I don’t want to read my Bible and when I don’t want to pray.  I don’t want to be cheerful or supportive or even hear what’s going on in someone else’s life.  There are days when I want to turn in and get away.  Days when I’m tired of being the strong one…the supportive one…the cheerful one.  Today is one of those days.

It’s been building all week.  The words–both written and spoken–are worked hard and they’re still not right and I’m tired of trying.  This is the second post I’ve written today.  Couldn’t get through the other one without gritting my teeth, so it will wait.  I’m tired.  Well rested, but just tired in my spirit.

Writing things down helps me process, so I’m processing.  God bless you if you’re still with me.

There’s nothing wrong here.  We’re good and we’re fine and I’m just in a mood…and I wish it were a better one.  This one stinks.

It will pass.  I know that.  I also know that there are thousands of people who wish they could have my bad day–because their reality is so much worse…every day.  I know that I’m blessed–why, I’ve got a string of blessing that would take the better part of some people’s life to hear in a list, so I know this is more than a bit self-indulgent…but it’s real today, so there’s no point in pretending that these days never happen here…or where you live, either.

This will take more than a great haircut and a dinner out to fix.  It will take me doing the very things that I really don’t feel like doing right now.  See, that’s where the discipline comes in.  This is one of those days when I need to do what I need to do because it is what I’m called to do.  I need to spend some time in the Word to hear from my God Who KNOWS me at my worst and loves me anyway.  I need to spend some time in prayer to pour out all of the things that won’t ever make it on to this screen.  I need to spend some time being grateful and some time just marinating in the Psalms and the knowledge that I’m not the first one or the only one or the last one to have a day like this.  This is a day when I’m grateful for the other days of doing what I knew I should do so that today I would know about Matthew 5:3-10, Psalm 19:14, Psalm 51:10 and so many others.  These verses give me hope and remind me that there is another way.  I can choose…and so can you.

I’m off to do the things I know I need to do now.  I covet your prayers today…and I’ll be praying for you, too…because I know that I’m not the only one having one of those days…

 

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4 thoughts on “Confessions…

  1. Thanks for posting this! Always nice to know that I’m not the only one in the world who feels that way sometimes. Love you, Becky!

    • You’re welcome? lol I wish we–all of us!–didn’t have these days, but you’re right. It’s good to know that we’re not alone in them. I love you, too, Stephanie! Here’s to a MUCH better tomorrow!

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