There are days when the news isn’t good and the updates don’t show improvement…days when it hurts to hear more and it is somehow worse because it isn’t happening to you, but to those you love…and you can’t fix it. There are days when your prayers don’t seem to rise past the ceiling, but continue to echo around the room and fill your head and your heart with the agony of the wait.
Those days hurt. They are just awful…and they’re part of life.
They’re part of life whether or not you have faith and although they seem difficult when you DO have faith, I can’t imagine life if you don’t. I don’t want to imagine it because that would only add to the pile–and right now, the pile is high enough.
I’ve been trying to “make up for lost time” and it hasn’t been working very well. Hard target dates loom ahead and it doesn’t matter what you’re facing or what you’ve been through, they’re still coming and I’m simply not ready for them yet. Some of them are for good things, but when you’re feeling under pressure even the good things can be a bit overwhelming. The phone rings and it is more hard news…
All these things and more are running laps in my head and I can actually feel my blood pressure rise despite my best efforts. They interfere with sleep and I am frustrated anew.
I grab my copy of the Word and I dive in. I sink into the Psalms and I am reminded that I am not alone. I am far from the first to feel these pressures and need the solace of God Himself. It’s not so much that misery loves company—I’m too blessed to be miserable, but I am overwhelmed by life and I am incredibly grateful to walk in the path of David and friends who have felt these same emotions and gone to their knees–and on their faces!–before the only One who can change any of these situations. Better than that, I am aware that I am before the only One who can truly change me in the situations…and it is increasingly obvious that I am one who needs changing.
In His Word I am caught by the words of others and transported past all the things I don’t know into the Presence of the One who knows me best. It is a journey I desperately need. It is one I must take…MUST take…this is no leisurely stroll through the garden. It is a head-long plunge into the deep. Gasping and fighting for breath—for life—I grab hold of His hand and His word fills me.
I begin to calm. It is not yet complete, but it is enough.
Inhale: “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him. The help of my countenance and my God.” (Psalm 45:5) Be with them, Father! Cover them with Your presence and heal them–in every way possible. Thank You for being our Help and our God!
Exhale: “…Because he is your Lord, worship Him.” (Psalm 45:14b) Thank you, God, for being everything I need–everything they need. You alone are holy and righteous. You alone have the power of life and strength.
Inhale: “…When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me…You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name…” (Psalm 61:2b, 5b) Thank You, Father, that You are my shelter and that You have, indeed, given me a heritage of those who fear Your name and serve You!
Exhale: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He calls them all by name.” (Psalm 147:3-4) Thank You, Father, for Your watchcare over us and for being a God who knows all of His creation by name!
Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.
Over and over I read the lament and I see the Cure. Over and over I cry out the lament and I receive the Cure. He is faithful and I am His. It is enough.
“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Psalm 139:16 (NLT, 2007)