There are days when you are incredibly aware of all you have to be grateful for…and you’re still just overwhelmed by all the things for which you are not grateful. Even good things can fall into this category and there is often no rhyme or reason behind it—just liquid emotion that bubbles up and flows down the cheeks to end up in a bottle in heaven with your name on it.
Change is hard. Scratch that. Some days, change—even just one more change!–seems like the demon sent from hell to kill me. I thought I was better at it. Most days I am. Today I am not.
I am the kid who slept on a mattress so old that it was like a giant taco…when you laid in the middle, the sides rose up a bit and enfolded you like a cocoon. Sounds kind of nice…in theory. In reality, it wasn’t a good thing and although I was aware that the new one was better, I am the kid who wept like the world was ending when my parents were able to buy me a new mattress. Change was hard even then.
Perhaps there was so much of it. There were children in and out of our home on a semi-regular basis and although I didn’t really think about it a whole lot at the time, maybe that’s where the desire for something more permanent came into play. Foster parenting isn’t just about parenting. It should be more accurately entitled “foster family-ing” because it takes everyone doing their part to make it work. What my parents were doing was a good thing. I knew it then. I know it now. Even good things can have unintended consequences.
SO I am the adult who hated change…and then God (funny how so many of my life stories start off that way!) decided to have us move 4 times, experience 3 job changes (between the two of us) and have/survive several major health issues…all in the first 6 years of our marriage–like THAT change wasn’t big enough! SO, I got on board and I got to the point that I actually began to look for change. I embraced it. I celebrated it….and then God…decided to put us in a steady pattern for almost 15 years. I managed to get over my celebration of change and decided to embrace my apparent circumstance of status quo.
Current reality: Today has already been full of trying to put into practice what I heard yesterday in worship, heaping piles of laundry, new hardware and new software and glitches in the trying, of websites without customer service to work out the kinks, of new opportunities on the horizon with decisions to be made even without the benefit of complete information and, right now, it just seems harder.
It is not too hard for God. Because of that, it is not too hard for me. I will suck it up and deal with all of it and I will praise Him anyway because that’s my job. I was created to glorify Him…and He didn’t put an exemption in that for anything that I (or you!) might encounter in this life.
The hummingbird feeder is empty and I’m headed out to fill it. God provides for them through me…and He will provide for me, as well. Today I will make the choice to be grateful…for Him, for what is here, for what’s ahead…for whatever He has in store. I am His.
(Writer’s note: It did not escape my attention or my own warped sense of humor that as I sat down to read a book after I wrote this, that the subject was girls who had aged out of foster home settings and all the changes they had to deal with now that they were no longer wards of the state…AND I’m pretty sure I heard God chuckle as I was reminded that I am supposed to start leading another class on gratefulness and counting your blessings…in two days. Yep, He’s moved on from a quiet chuckle to a full-out belly laugh. Guess I’d better get with the program! Change is apparently on the way and gratitude should be the order of the day. grin)